Therapy Format
Couples Therapy in Seattle
For partners whose conflicts escalate instead of resolving, or who have drifted apart over the years.
Decades of Working With Couples
Through the decades I have worked with all sorts of couples, resolving conflicts about age, backgrounds, aspirations, the legacy of trauma, the stresses of raising children and adolescents and adult children, and the changing needs and dreams that come with aging.
A relationship can feel very different from the inside than it looks to other people. I want to hear how each of you experiences it, including what still matters to you about being together.
What Couples Often Bring
- Conflict resolution skills that do not get the needed results
- Misaligned goals and coping styles
- Communication problems
- Drifting apart after the inevitable differences emerge in how people grow over the years
- Different expectations about children, young or adult, and the stages of parenthood
- Questions about how to move into the next phase of the relationship
Pages That May Fit
Relationship ConflictArguments that escalate instead of resolving, and closeness that has worn thin.
Divorce and SeparationDeciding, separating, and rebuilding afterward.
Life TransitionsNew relationships, parenting, a changing career, midlife and later life.
Grief and LossThe death of someone you love, or the end of a relationship, a role or a hope.
How We Work
Sessions are a conversation with practical work in it. Here is what that usually looks like.
How I WorkUnderstand How You Relate Now
We get very clear about how the two of you relate now. That includes what happens when you disagree and what makes it difficult to listen.
Describe What You Want Instead
Then we explore how each of you wants to relate. I ask about needs and dreams that may have become difficult to say aloud.
Practice New Ways of Relating
We work on ways of talking and listening so needs get met and dreams are encouraged. There is room to pause and try a conversation differently.
Keep the Work Moving
Practical skills, good humor, compassion and empathy help us stay with difficult conversations. I coach you in using those skills, not just discussing them.
Turning escalation into collaboration.
When an argument keeps escalating, the original concern can get lost under the hurt. I help you notice that pattern and practice making conflict collaborative, so there is room to understand what each partner needs rather than preparing the next defense.
An Honest Conversation
Sometimes couples counseling leads to a candid look at whether to continue as a couple, and help with the next steps either way. I do not come with a decision already made about your relationship.
We can discuss the questions you may have been avoiding, with care for both of you. Honesty about uncertainty is part of the work, not a failure of it.
Divorce and SeparationA Hopeful Stance
Throughout, I keep a hope-filled stance, coach new ways of relating, and help partners understand each other more deeply. I encourage you to notice moments of understanding as well as the places where you remain stuck.
Sessions are together, in person or by telehealth within Washington. Couples sessions cost the same as individual sessions. We can discuss practical arrangements in the consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my partner is unsure about therapy?
The consultation can be a low-pressure first step for both of you. You can ask questions before deciding whether to begin.
Do you take sides?
No. My job is to help both of you be heard and to understand the pattern between you, rather than choose a winner.
Can couples sessions be by video?
Yes. Telehealth is available to Washington State residents, including while you are traveling out of state. Each partner should be a Washington State resident.
Related Pages
Related Reading
Turning Fights Into Conversations
When a familiar argument starts again, I help partners slow the exchange and say what they need in a way the other person can hear.
Read the GuideMore to Explore
- Communication Skills
Read about practicing listening, expressing needs and navigating disagreement with David Johnson in couples and adult family therapy.
- Choosing a Therapy Format
Consider the different purposes of individual, couples and adult family therapy before deciding where to begin with David Johnson.
- When Anxiety Enters a Relationship
Explore worry, reassurance and assumptions in relationships, with room for both your feelings and the other person’s perspective.
- Repair After Conflict
Explore how to return to a difficult conversation, acknowledge your part and discuss what needs to happen next.
- When You Feel Unheard
Explore what happens when your message does not seem to reach someone and how to clarify what you need from the conversation.
- Relationships Through Life Changes
Explore how partners can discuss shifting roles, routines and hopes during a significant life change.